Chapter 1: The Pitfalls of Conventional Leadership Advice

In the realm of leadership, a significant amount of guidance resembles recycled clichés and overly simplistic statements. Much of it is either too vague to be of any real use or so generic that it fails to address the specific challenges you may encounter.

Throughout my journey, I've witnessed many individuals transform from hesitant, introverted leaders into confident, effective ones. My coaching experience spans from seasoned professionals to newcomers, and I've even had previous supervisors seek my guidance after my departure from their organizations.

Through these experiences, I've realized that much of the conventional wisdom can be misleading. Often, the advice appears to benefit the advisor more than the recipient. This raises the question: Is all guidance worthless? Certainly not; some advice can be incredibly valuable. However, after years of practical learning, I’ve identified several pieces of advice that warrant skepticism or outright dismissal.

Fake It Till You Make It

There are instances when projecting confidence, even when you don’t genuinely feel it, can be beneficial. This facade can foster trust, enhance respect, and help you gain credibility. However, this approach is only a temporary fix. Eventually, real substance must support this facade.

True confidence is cultivated alongside competence. While pretending to be confident may address immediate issues, such inauthenticity can lead to complacency, preventing genuine problem-solving and learning. When success is based on deception, it becomes difficult to take pride in it, as it lacks a solid foundation, and others may struggle to embrace it due to its insubstantial nature. A more fitting piece of advice would be to "fake it while you make it." Initial displays of confidence are merely a temporary measure on trust that you must eventually repay—both to yourself and to others.

Leaders Should Embrace Humility

Different individuals possess varying levels of risk tolerance. Consequently, those who are genuinely courageous, with a high appetite for risk, may not receive constructive feedback from the average person. Relying on external opinions can lead to self-doubt, causing you to stray from what makes you unique. This often results in stagnation.

At times, unwavering self-belief is essential for tackling significant projects and exposing oneself to potential failures. Blind faith in your abilities can be a necessary ingredient for success. As Steve Jobs famously stated, "The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."

Humility can sometimes act as a hindrance, suppressing the optimism or confidence needed to believe in your own importance and capabilities. The key lies in finding a balance; allow humility to inform your growth without letting it undermine your confidence.

Effective Delegation is Key

Delegation can transform your leadership effectiveness, but it must be done correctly. A significant number of Chief Executives, as per a Stanford University study, identified delegation as an area needing improvement.

To enhance your delegation skills, consider the following:

• Have you clearly articulated your expectations?
• Is there a defined timeline?
• Are you providing adequate support and guidance?
• Are you stepping back when necessary?

Moreover, not all tasks are suitable for delegation. Some are better suited to your skills, while others can be handled by your team with your oversight. As Jessica Jackley, co-founder of Kiva and ProFounder, wisely noted, “Deciding what not to do is as important as deciding what to do.”

So, while you should delegate, ensure you do it effectively.

Maintaining Professional Boundaries with Staff

The conventional wisdom cautions against becoming too friendly with your team, suggesting that it may hinder your ability to make difficult decisions. While I understand this perspective, it can lead to a leadership style that prioritizes friendship over effectiveness.

However, there is value in forming connections with your team. Developing rapport based on mutual respect rather than strict hierarchy can facilitate difficult conversations and constructive feedback. When your team knows you genuinely care about their growth and success, they are more likely to accept your guidance as valuable rather than merely authoritative.

The Personal Nature of Leadership

People are not commodities that respond uniformly to stimuli; they are complex beings with unique emotions and circumstances. Effective leadership must be personal. Team members seek to see your authentic self, including your vulnerability.

Being genuine and open about your mistakes, while showing empathy and understanding for your team’s individual challenges, fosters camaraderie and trust. Recognizing that each individual has distinct needs and motivations is crucial for effective management.

As Krista Skidmore, CEO and Co-founder of FlashPoint, aptly stated, “If we see people as fungible, we are more likely to make poorer decisions, ones that disrespect others, lead to disengagement, and ultimately affect our business results."

Conclusion: Questioning Conventional Wisdom

What am I advocating for? A blanket rejection of all advice? Not at all. Advice can serve a purpose, acting as a guide or warning. However, it’s essential to remember that advice does not equate to reality. The path to becoming your best self involves personal exploration and learning.

That said, it's wise to approach common advice critically, especially the following:

• Fake it till you make it
• Leaders should be humble
• Just delegate
• Don't get too friendly with your staff
• "It's not personal"

“Advice is a form of nostalgia: dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it's worth.” — Baz Luhrmann

Chapter 2: Insights from Influential Leaders

The first video, "Most Leaders Don't Even Know the Game They're In" by Simon Sinek, explores the importance of self-awareness in leadership and the common pitfalls leaders encounter when they fail to understand their environment. This insight is crucial for anyone looking to refine their leadership approach.

The second video, "Leadership Has Nothing to Do With Rank" by Simon Sinek, discusses the essence of true leadership, emphasizing that effective leadership transcends titles and authority. This perspective can fundamentally reshape how you view your role as a leader.