Meet April and John

April grew up in a tumultuous environment, with parents struggling with addiction. Her mother battled alcoholism and pain medication dependency, while her father abandoned the family when she was just four. At the age of 16, after a tragic incident where her mother overdosed, April found herself in foster care. It was a challenging year, but she eventually connected with the Johnsons, a caring couple who provided the stability she desperately needed. They encouraged her to pursue higher education, leading her to study Sociology after high school.

In contrast, John came from a privileged background. His father was a respected corporate lawyer, and his mother worked as a veterinarian. Despite having material advantages, John grappled with feelings of inadequacy, often overshadowed by his older brothers. After high school, he enrolled in a local university to study Pre-law, hoping to earn his father's pride.

One fateful day in the university library, April and John met. Their initial conversation sparked a deep connection, and they soon found themselves in a serious relationship. However, their early years were marked by constant conflict, driven by John's jealousy and April's feelings of emotional neglect. Despite the unhealthy dynamics, they stayed together.

Over time, external pressures mounted, with friends and family urging them to settle down and start a family. Influenced by societal expectations and a desire for a fairy tale wedding, April convinced John to propose. They celebrated an extravagant wedding in Beverly Hills a year later. Unfortunately, the underlying issues from their relationship persisted, leading to a divorce just three years into their marriage.

The Importance of Healing Before Commitment

As we reflect on April and John's story, it’s crucial to acknowledge the reality of modern marriage. The divorce rate in the United States hovers around 50%, prompting the question: Why do so many continue to marry despite these statistics?

Both April and John sought love and acceptance that they missed in their formative years. April faced abandonment and neglect, while John constantly craved his father's approval. They rushed into marriage without addressing their childhood traumas, seeking validation from each other rather than finding it within themselves.

Ari Love once said, "If you look outside yourself for love and acceptance, you will never experience true happiness." April and John exemplified this phenomenon, marrying before they had the chance to heal. This pressure to conform to traditional marriage ideals—often romanticized in media—distracted them from the necessary self-reflection and growth.

After healing and self-acceptance, genuine love can naturally follow. Ladies, if you’re searching for love, remember that your healing journey must continue.

Continuing the Journey of Self-Love

The journey to self-love is transformative. I vividly recall the day I looked in the mirror and recognized my own beauty and worth. I became empowered, walking with confidence and needing no external validation. Embracing my identity as a leader and a creative force, I shed the burdens of my past.

With healing comes the capacity to love authentically without being weighed down by past relationships. Now, I can cherish connections without constantly revisiting old wounds.

Reflecting on Traditional Marriage

My skepticism towards traditional marriage stems from the belief that it should not be a means of seeking love but rather a celebration of self-love shared with another. Richard Bach’s words resonate deeply: "If you love something, set it free; if it comes back, it’s yours." This perspective challenges the conventional notion of marriage, which often involves clinging to someone out of fear of loss.

Final Thoughts

Before entering into a lifelong commitment, ensure that you are marrying from a place of self-love, not as an escape from loneliness. As Ari Love wisely states, “It is only through self-love that one can give and accept true love.”

The Secret that Transforms Unhappy Marriages - This video explores the underlying issues that lead to unhappiness in marriages and offers insights on how to foster a healthier relationship.

Surviving an Unhappy Marriage: Staying Together for the Kids - This video discusses the complexities of maintaining a marriage for the sake of children and the importance of personal well-being.