A Hilarious Struggle with Passwords and Portals
Written on
Chapter 1: The Inconvenience of Technology
Have you ever experienced a day completely derailed by what should have been a straightforward task? Just as I settled down for lunch, my phone chimed, signaling a new text message from my doctor's office.
"Check your email; you have a new message from your provider," it read.
No problem! I promptly logged into my email and spotted a hyperlink urging me to access my patient portal.
Upon clicking the link, I entered my email and password only to be met with the dreaded message: "Incorrect password."
Confident in my credentials, I tried again. "You have entered an incorrect password again. Would you like to reset your password? Click the 'Forgot My Password' link below."
I haven’t forgotten my password! I KNOW what it is!
After another attempt, with all the correct capitalization, numbers, and symbols, I was met with the same frustrating message. My patience was wearing thin, and my language was becoming increasingly colorful. After several tries, I finally accessed my account, only to find: "No Unread Messages."
What?
A phone number appeared on the screen: "Feel free to call if you have questions about your account." I jotted it down and called.
"Do you mind if I place you on a brief hold?"
Not an issue at all.
Nine minutes later, I heard a voice ask, "Miss, are you still there?"
Taking a deep breath, I replied, "Yes, I'm still here."
"I'm so sorry for the mix-up. The message your provider left is in the hospital's patient portal, not the one you logged into. Unfortunately, he’s not in today, so I can't ask him about his message."
I thanked her for the information… or lack thereof. After hanging up, I returned to my email to find the correct portal link.
Once again, I tried to log in. "The password is incorrect. Would you like to reset your password?"
No!
Determined, I tried once more. Same result. "Forgot my password" it is.
I entered a new password, perhaps a tad colorful, but it would suffice. "The password you've chosen is not long enough."
I tried another. "The password you've chosen is too predictable."
Fine. Another attempt. "The password you've chosen should not be easily guessed."
I entered what I was certain was my password. "Your password cannot be one that you have used previously."
This must be a joke! Ashton Kutcher, are you out there?
One last try. "The password you have entered is too long."
What?
"The password needs to contain letters and numbers, not just special symbols."
Oh, I’ve got a special symbol for you!
This better be my final suggestion! "Please select each image that shows a bicycle."
I clicked them all.
"Oh yay! Now it’s motorcycles. Select all the airplanes."
What fun!
"Please click the box below to confirm you are human."
"New Password Accepted. Do not share your login information. Keep it secure. Avoid clicking 'Stay Logged In' on shared devices."
Finally, my patient portal appeared… but wait!
Why wasn't there a confirmation screen for my new password?
Oh no! Which one was the last entry? I’ll never get back in!
Forget it! I’ll just check my inbox and leave it for another day.
Clicking on the message, I found my doctor’s lab results were available... "Just log into your hospital patient portal to view the results."
And that’s why I now need to know if my warranty will cover my phone after it accidentally slipped out the window this afternoon.
"Yes, Miss. Absolutely. That’s unfortunate, but I’m here to help you."
"First, we need to confirm your identity and ensure your warranty is current."
"Sure. What is your name and full address?"
"Great, thank you."
"What is your phone number and email?"
"Okay, that matches what I have here. Can you give me the date of purchase for your phone? And your store account number?"
"Wonderful. Now, when you signed up, you opted for our two-step authentication. Can you provide your PIN?"
"Great, that’s correct. One more thing, and we can get you set up with the replacement."
"I need your store reward account information. Once logged in, I can confirm your warranty and replacement."
"Please enter your email and password."
"Oh, sorry. It says that’s incorrect. Do you have any idea if it could be another-"
"Ma’am! Please calm down! Would you like to reset your password?"
Oh, I’ll reset YOUR password!
"SECURITY!"
Honey, I’m at Great Deal…
Can you please just…
Yes, I didn’t know the Nerd Crew had a "holding cell" either. Can you stop laughing and come pick me up, please??
The Password You Entered Is Incorrect: A Comedic Tale of Frustration
Sometimes, the simplest tasks lead to unexpected chaos. In this amusing tale, our protagonist navigates the trials of password resets and confusing portals.