Chapter 1: The NFT Landscape

In the realm of non-fungible tokens (NFTs), my creations stand out as artistic, cheeky, and well-executed—quite the contrast to Donald Trump's recent digital offerings. This week, he has been actively promoting his low-quality NFTs online, trying to offload them at an outrageous price of $99 each. Yes, that’s right, each! And have you had a look at these digital images? It’s astonishing how inflated his self-image must be to think these are worth anything.

But let’s be real: this is just another example of his delusional self-perception.

Have you witnessed this absurdity? While I support entrepreneurial ventures and innovative ways to generate income, this is just plain ludicrous—even for him. Portraying himself as some sort of heroic figure is beyond laughable.

Take a look and see for yourself. WOW.

I couldn’t help but laugh at these; it truly reflects an exaggerated sense of self-importance. Nevertheless, it seems his fanbase, typically lacking in discernment, has gobbled them up. Reports suggest he sold out within just 24 hours, which honestly makes sense. With the decline in church attendance over the last decade, these “good Christians” have more disposable income than ever, no longer giving their hard-earned money to mega-churches and their charismatic leaders.

What a scam! I even penned a comedic piece titled "Jesus Wants Me to Be Filthy Rich," exploring the possibility of starting my own mega-church. Check out THIS wild narrative. And may peace be with you.

Chapter 2: The Provencio NFT Collection

If those charlatans like Joel Osteen can rake in millions, why can't I? And I’ll do it with flair. You’ll see, the article above lays it all out. If figures like Trump and mega-church pastors can swindle people out of their savings, then count me in. I'm excited to introduce my very own initial set of 8 NFTs for your perusal.

Explore each of these unique NFTs, complete with a little backstory. Enjoy!

Poolside Provencio

This first NFT captures a moment from Scottsdale, Arizona, back in 2009. It was a scorching day, and the poolside vibes were just right. Order this collectible before it’s gone!

‘Murica the Beautiful

One of the rarest pieces in this collection features a proud display of patriotism—firing off some red-hot ammunition. This is the only known digital capture of me in action.

A Good Father in Drag

This unique piece shows me in drag, thanks to my daughter’s makeup experiment. It’s a rare find, and you can snag it for 50 claps and two snaps up!

Mr. and Mrs. Fitness Pro

Captured in 2014 at a friend’s gym, this athletic-themed NFT showcases our fitness journey. Get your hands on this piece for just 50 claps.

Don’t Feed the Animals

Here’s a playful take on rule-breaking. My friend was thirsty, and I just had to indulge him. If you’ve ever been told not to touch something hot, you understand my impulse!

Freshly Divorced Provencio

This selfie represents my journey as a newly single man. It’s a snapshot of a pivotal moment in my life, available for just 50 claps.

Jason Spanking His Monkey in Public

Caught on camera during the holidays, this NFT captures a light-hearted moment that’ll make you smile. Grab it for a plate of cookies and a glass of milk!

Pose Before Bros

The pièce de résistance of my NFT collection! This artistic shot captures one of my funniest moments and is a must-have for any fan.

These are the inaugural eight NFTs I’m offering from the Provencio archives. If you believe they surpass the absurdity of Captain Bone-Spurs’ NFTs, let’s strike a deal. I accept Visa, Mastercard, Venmo, Paypal, or CashApp—but please, no Bitcoin; I don’t deal in fake currency!