Finding Peace: A Journey Through Panic Attacks and Healing
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Understanding Panic Attacks
In the emergency room, I informed the receptionist, "I believe I'm having a heart attack." She seemed unfazed and instructed me to wait. At just twenty-one, I felt an immense weight on my chest, struggling to breathe and overwhelmed with fear.
Fast forward to 1979, after what felt like an eternity of waiting, I was told that it wasn’t a heart attack, but rather hyperventilation. A nurse handed me a paper bag with instructions to breathe into it if I faced this again. Little did I know that this would become a recurring issue for the next two decades.
Hyperventilation, characterized by rapid and deep breathing, leads to a decrease in carbon dioxide levels in the blood. This often results in feelings of breathlessness, a racing heart, and even lightheadedness. I can’t recall if the term “panic attack” was mentioned during that initial visit, but it wouldn’t be the last time I found myself in an ER.
The memory of my stepfather's recent passing from a heart attack loomed large in my mind. Our last conversation had been fraught, filled with tension over my sexuality. I had come out to him, but he had refused to accept it. We never reconciled before his death, and that unresolved conflict weighed heavily on me.
For the next two years, I was beset by nearly constant panic attacks. Despite being young and healthy, I experienced a myriad of peculiar symptoms, leading me to label it as "left-side disease" due to the strange sensations I felt down that side of my body.
I sought therapy, read extensively on anxiety and panic, and confided in friends and family. No medical professional offered me medication, which, in hindsight, may have been a blessing given my struggles with substance abuse. Yet, I sometimes wonder if there might have been something that could have alleviated my suffering.
As time went on, these panic attacks became less frequent, but they remained part of my life for two decades.
Healing Through Self-Discovery
I eventually found a skilled therapist who guided me toward understanding my choices, dreams, and desires. I achieved sobriety, and while I experienced months without a panic attack, they would occasionally return, often triggered by everyday situations like being in a train station or heading to work. Sometimes, I would use the paper bag; other times, I would focus on calming myself.
After turning 40, my sister received a devastating diagnosis of breast cancer. Though we were technically step-siblings, we never referred to each other as such. Together, we created her treatment plan, determined to conquer this challenge.
Months passed, and amidst the chaos, I noticed a shift—I wasn’t having panic attacks anymore. My sister fought bravely but tragically succumbed to the illness after three arduous years.
With her passing, my own panic attacks vanished as well.
Many individuals share similar experiences, and I always appreciate hearing their stories. If you struggle with panic attacks or high anxiety, consulting a healthcare professional can be invaluable; medical advancements since my time have made a significant impact.
Recognizing Nervous System Responses
Understanding the workings of our nervous system can also be beneficial.
Sympathetic Nervous System
The more familiar of the two is the "Fight or Flight" response, known as the sympathetic nervous system. This system is designed for survival, preparing the body to respond to danger. Unfortunately, many find themselves in this heightened state throughout their workdays or during moments of anxiety, leading to increased heart rates and slowed digestion.
Parasympathetic Nervous System
In contrast, the parasympathetic system, often called "rest and digest," allows us to relax, slow our heart rates, and restore balance.
Techniques for Calming the Mind
There are numerous techniques to help activate the parasympathetic system, and I owe much to my yoga training for introducing me to these practices.
Meditation
Every morning, I find a comfortable space—whether seated cross-legged or nestled in my favorite chair. I might set a timer, but I often prefer to allow myself the freedom to take as long as I need. I focus on my breathing, lengthening my inhalations and exhalations. I strive for a rhythm of four counts in and six or eight out, which helps me achieve a deeper state of relaxation.
As I conclude my meditation—whether it lasts five minutes or longer—I carry this sense of calm into my day.
Finding Calm in Daily Life
I’ve learned to seize those quiet moments throughout my day—whether waiting in line or during a lull in activity—to practice mini-meditations. Instead of reaching for my phone, I take a moment to breathe deeply and remain present, which helps me stay centered and kind to myself and others.
Techniques for Better Sleep
Though I sometimes struggle with sleep, I utilize a technique known as the Body Scan, which I learned in an acting class during my teenage years and was later reinforced in my yoga training.
To perform a Body Scan, find a comfortable position—sitting or lying down—and begin by focusing on your feet. Tense the muscles and then release, working your way up through your body, from your calves to your thighs, hips, stomach, and so forth. This practice not only helps relieve tension but also encourages a sense of self-compassion.
Ultimately, it’s about discovering what resonates with you. I share these suggestions based on my own experiences, encouraging you to experiment and find what feels right.
Embracing the Journey
As you navigate your own path, remember to invite the parasympathetic mode when you wish to unwind and alleviate anxiety.
I’m thankful for all the lessons learned through my panic attacks; they have taught me much about myself and my coping mechanisms. While I would have endured a lifetime of panic attacks to save my sister, that choice was never given to me.
Take care, and feel free to reach out with any questions.
This video discusses the symptoms and signs of a heart attack in both men and women, offering insights into early detection and awareness.
In this video, viewers learn how to recognize if they are experiencing a heart attack, emphasizing crucial steps to take during such an emergency.